The Last City Read online

  “No. Jordan, I swear it. I’m not remembering this wrong. You didn’t speak to me.”

  “I did speak to you, I always did. How could I not say your name upon sensing you with me?”

  He clasped one of my hands in both of his, beseeching my belief in him. And I did. I always did. But it didn’t explain the difference in our memories of the event.

  “Mason, can you… wind it back to hear this from my perspective only?” I asked him, hoping he knew what I meant.

  He shrugged, and reset the image. I watched once more as the thread made contact.

  ‘Jordan,’ my voice came through the image again.

  But this time there was no response.

  “Mason?” Jordan smiled. “Something wrong with your machine?”

  “No, there is not,” Mason emphasized every word. “Reset,” he commanded, as his eyes flicked across the image. And I watched the image reset once more, without Mason needing to reprogram it by hand.

  “Include thought and emotion,” Mason stated.

  “You don’t need your air-screen to reprogram the image?” I asked, interrupting his display.

  “No,” he mumbled. “That’s really just a way to stay connected.”

  He resumed the image, and when the light connected, I felt him, Jordan, his presence, filling me with hope, making me whole. My thoughts and emotions all emanating from the image. Too soon though, those feelings turned first to disappointment that he hadn’t responded, and a little embarrassed that I’d spoken out of turn, to then wishing he was with me.

  “Stop,” came Mason’s voice. “Your turn,” he said to Jordan. But not out of amusement. His tone was studious, almost clinical.

  “Wait,” I had to ask. “How can I feel all of that?”

  “Emotion is just as much a memory as anything else. Your brain only needs the right stimulation to feel it,” he explained with barely a glance away from his screen. “Replay,” he then mumbled.

  The feelings that emanated from the image were a mix of love, hope, and anticipation, but underlying this was torment and pain. Pain emanating from the thread that was Jordan, and directed at the light that was me. The feeling was strong, an intense need to inflict that pain upon me. I was a magnet, the lodestone attracting every aspect of the pain that Jordan’s thread needed to unleash.

  “Stop it,” I gasped. My vision blurred as I looked up at Jordan. His eyes were wide, his mouth hung open in shock.

  My head swam as though the world had spun off its axis. My instincts told me to run. Run from the person who wanted to harm me, and I tried to pull my hand out of Jordan’s but he gently squeezed, holding me to him.

  “What was that?” I barely managed.

  “Not me,” he insisted. “You know that was not me.”

  “Lydia,” Mason added. “That wasn’t Jordan. I promise you. I’ve never felt those feelings in him before, and neither have you.”

  No. Of course, I hadn’t. It wasn’t him. It couldn’t be him. Those feelings could not have come from Jordan, I convinced myself. I relaxed my grip within his hand, and slowly rolled my head, exhaling as I did, trying to clear away that which was not possible.

  “It’s ok,” Jordan whispered, now beside me. His voice was soft in my ear, and his arms were warm around me, gently holding me. Arms that filled me with comfort and love. I turned within that circle of him, and buried my face in his chest. He sighed before continuing, “It was me there with you.”

  “But so was he,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” he said, and kissed the top of my head.

  Mason’s face was set in a determined frown. His fingers once more upon his air-screen, flew faster than I could watch.

  “Reset,” he commanded. “Expand by ten.” He stared intently at the glowing image as the lines widened. “Expand by ten,” he said again, and narrowed his eyes at the glowing, growing thread. Then slowly, he lowered his head, shaking it in a slow, remorseful rhythm. “My fault,” he whispered, through a groan.

  “What?” Jordan asked.

  “Watch. Resume,” Mason said, his tone dejected.

  He touched the image with his thumb and forefinger, then moved them slowly apart, forcing the image to expand yet again. The thread that was Jordan, now clearly divided in two at the point that it left the swirling oval. Two threads wrapped around one another, but joined as though one.

  “Stop,” he commanded. “The ward is always connected to the Guardian, and the Guardian to every aspect of the CU. And when Jordan connected with you, the ward did as well.”

  “But the Guardian could connect with anyone, anytime,” Jordan interrupted, and pointed toward the image. “How can you tell if that is the ward, or the Guardian?”

  “The Guardian has a specific signature, this doesn’t. And the source leads back to the ward.”

  “He never spoke to me, though,” I muttered. “Not once.”

  “After what he’d recently explained to you, and with your thoughts and emotions feeding through the Guardian to all of the wards anyway, I’m sure he didn’t know he was directly connected. When you were on Earth, you never once sensed him, did you?” he asked, but didn’t wait for my answer. “If you had, you would have said something to Jordan. Or you would have in the very least, thought about it, been scared by it, just as you are now.” He shook his head before continuing. “The Guardian concealed the ward’s connection from all, for whatever purpose it had.”

  “Who brought me here?” I asked. But as I did, I knew it really didn’t matter. I didn’t care if it was the ward, or the Guardian. For if either had, then they’d done me a favor, by bringing me to Jordan. I sent this thought to him, and in response, he acknowledged my thought with a brief caress of his soul.

  And once again I felt it, that unity, that sense of us aligned as though with one mind. No matter what was happening around us, no matter who tried to come between us, there would always be us, him and me.

  As Mason resumed the image, he glanced from Jordan to me, and his voice wavered with emotion as he whispered, “Watch.” It was clear that he was affected by our brief display of affection, but I couldn’t tell if it was from want, or annoyance.

  When the movement of the image resumed, the mixed feelings of love and malicious intent filled me once more, but I refused to acknowledge which emotion came from which thread of light. I refused to acknowledge which of the two had made the connection. Instead, I simply watched the display of wills before me, until my light slipped away.

  Two soulmates, both equally joined to me, one in love and the other… I had no idea how to even describe. But this couldn’t be right. I refused to believe it.

  “He’s not connected to me,” I told them. “He’s not.” He wasn’t my soulmate. There was only Jordan. “I’ve seen enough,” I whispered to Mason.

  “At least, now you know,” Jordan said.

  “At least, now you both know,” Mason corrected.

  But I didn’t know, and I didn’t care. I could have done however, without knowing any of what I’d just witnessed. “How does one un-know something?” I mumbled, but didn’t mean to say out loud.

  “Yeah, I have a machine…” Mason began, a smile turning the corners of his mouth.

  “No,” I tried to smile back at him, and failed. Insertion. Please. Not an option, I sent to his mind. I then remembered that Haize had offered to remove a portion of my memory after the attack, and I wondered if this was something she could really do.

  “She could,” Mason said, his smile gone. “But you don’t want to forget, not yet anyway. Not until this is over.”

  I almost asked him why, but I stopped myself before asking it. It was information. And I’d promised myself I would accept and deal with, whatever came my way.

  “And you won’t be discussing this with anyone after you leave,” Mason said. “No one can know you were here, and no one will know. All you’ve just learned will stay with you, but your pre
sence here, in this room will be forgotten.”

  “Why?” I asked him, and wondered if I should have instead, asked how.

  “The Guardian has bound the ward to itself in a way that it hasn’t with any of the other wards it had created. It monitors his every thought, as though its keeping an enemy close,” Mason explained. “When you were last here with Jordan, there was an image that had appeared within the memories. A group of people. Shaylen,” he said, and nodded toward Jordan.

  And I knew… that was her name. Another name, I could have done without.

  “And someone else,” he continued, looking back at me. “I sensed within you, the familiarity that you had momentarily felt.”

  “The ward?” I asked, in confusion. “With Shaylen?”

  “Yes,” he said, nodding.

  “You never told me this,” Jordan complained.

  “I didn’t know what to make of it,” Mason answered. “He was one of the first from Terah to be brought here. I couldn’t tell you what had passed between them, nor what promises Shaylen made him, and perhaps others like him. But a small group, integrated into the city, remained behind during the war. They were inserted, saved so to speak.”

  “Shaylen left spies in the city,” I said.

  “Yes, but they have no knowledge of her plans,” Mason answered. “The Guardian has complete control over the ward, but it allows him certain freedoms to do as he needs to. And I couldn’t say where the Guardian will take this. Which is why we must conceal all we do from not only it, but also from as many others as we can, as much as we can. The fewer that know all of our actions the better.”

  “The reason for the change of direction at the fields, and the shield concealing us,” Jordan added. “This meeting stays in this room, between us.”

  I looked at them both, puzzled. All we’d done was review who had brought me here, and all we’d discussed was information the Guardian already knew. There had to be more.

  “The scan of your hand, when you first placed it upon the table,” Jordan began, before I could ask. “Mason gave you something that Shaylen wants. And while you have it, she won’t hurt you.”

  “What you now have is part of my work. I gave it to you for safe-keeping. We don’t yet know how far the militia will go to take control of this place,” Mason said. “But I know her plans involve Jordan. And I will do everything in my power to protect what’s left of this planet, and the people on it, from anyone who threatens to destroy it.”

  I was sure he meant every word. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what he had gone through, watching his whole planet die along with almost everyone on it. It had to have killed something inside of him.

  But questions arose about Shaylen, and what exactly it was that Mason had given me. However, as I looked at him, all I could manage was a brief shake of my head. I couldn’t take in anymore.

  After several moments of silence, Jordan stood, bringing me up with him.

  “We really need to get back,” he said. “The barrier won’t last much longer.”

  “No, it won’t,” Mason agreed, standing with us. He seemed relieved at not having to explain anymore. “Be safe out there,” he said.

  22

  Inside My Head

  We alighted just beside the city wall, hidden amongst the tree-line, and scanned the area around us. But there was no one about, at least no one that we could see. Then stepping out from amongst the greenery, we made our slow way across the field to the desert that stretched toward a minuscule, glinting dome off in the distance.

  I wanted to think about all that had just occurred, but each time I tried to bring those thoughts forward they stopped and dissolved, as though I could not consciously recall the last hour or two we’d spent… somewhere. The knowledge of the ward remained with me. He had been there, in my mind, right along with Jordan, when I was still on Earth. But exactly when I’d come upon this knowledge, eluded me. The strangest part was that I didn’t care. I’d spent the past - however much time had passed - in the fields with Jordan, and that was all that mattered.

  When we reached the desert, we picked up the pace. It was easier to jog across the sandy surface, now that the heat of the season had diminished, and the cooler air whipped around us.

  The pounding of my feet upon the dusty terrain, matched my heartbeat, and I felt almost normal as my blood raced through me. Jordan’s soul surrounded me, warming me, causing my lips to turn up in a smile. A reaction, the feeling of him being so close to me, never failed to evoke.

  We traveled around the Arena, along the mountain path and down into the town, then back to the welcoming hearth of Grid and Gia’s home.

  Not long after we’d returned, we were met by Haize, whose intense gaze studied me. Along with Lena, grinning in anticipation, and Dax who frequently cut worried glances in Jordan’s direction.

  At first sight of them, my heart plunged into my stomach, something had to be wrong. But Lena’s grin never faltered. She seemed happy to be bearing whatever news they were about to share. And then I realized what was coming.

  The conversation began as expected with the usual round of complaints from Jordan, but it didn’t last. Even Haize agreed that I needed to get back to the Arena, insisting that I was more than ready, and in fact it would do me good.

  I looked away from the group and out across the ocean. It appeared as it always did - a flat surface without light and shadow, providing the necessary contrast to define the shape of the waves that I knew were there. And I sighed as their arguments came to a close, wishing they would at least ask me what I wanted for myself. But that didn’t seem to matter to them. I’d been on this planet a little under a year. That was nowhere near enough time to be conditioned to fight the way they wanted me to. But I was willing to learn, and I guess that was all that mattered to Lena.

  Once inside the dome, Jordan refused to leave my side. He stepped around the edge of the training mat, watching me, watching Dax, as though ready to pounce if needed.

  I couldn’t help but smile. The situation was hopeless. Each time Dax raised his hands to me his eyes flickered to Jordan, giving me an opportunity to hit him. But even though my attempts were weak, he fought back at first with the same weak, slow effort, making it easy to block him. And when Jordan made no move toward him, he fought harder, faster, and soon without reservation.

  However, with each movement, mine and his, the memories tried to force their way back, but I refused to let them rule my life. And with each swing or kick in Dax’s direction, I pushed them further back, deciding this was one time, it would be better to feel the pain. To focus on it. To not let it weaken me. But instead of maintaining my focus, I found my complaints about the ward had once more welled up inside of me.

  I could have taken him. If not for his Guardian, I would have taken him. I would have beaten him.

  Hitting and kicking the ward, or Dax for that matter, were not my issues. I could use more force in those areas, but that wasn’t what gave the ward the upper hand. It was my lack of strength when he was holding me down.

  When Dax next glanced at Jordan, I made my move and lunged at him, pushing him backward, and kicking out his feet. I shouldn’t have been able to, he was twice my size, and I’m sure it was his own distraction that caught him off guard, but down he went, though not without me. He’d grabbed my shoulders, pulling me down with him, and then twisted us around, so that my back was once more to the floor.

  What little air was inside my lungs, was forced out in a grunt. I gasped, not so much from the lack of air as from the memory that filled me. He was holding me down. His weight, pressing me further into the floor.

  I focused upon Dax’s face, trying to push the ward away. But then with barely any effort, Dax flipped me over, so that I was face down. I tried to move but his legs and arms quickly pinned mine. I was trapped. Again.

  But the feeling was fleeting, as I was released. It shouldn’t have ended so quickly, and as I lifted my head I sa
w why. Jordan had pulled Dax off me and had thrown him clear across the floor. Barely a second later, I was wrapped in his arms.

  “Are you ok?” Jordan asked.

  “Of course,” I told him, trying to stifle a grin. I wished I’d seen his effort.

  “And this is why you can’t be here when they train.”

  I looked up to see Lena glaring down at Jordan. Her expression may have mimicked annoyance, her voice however, emanated amusement.

  “Dax,” she called to him.

  “Yeah,” he grumbled back.

  “Come on,” Jordan said to me. “Haize is already waiting for you.” He tried to pick me up, but I gently pushed his hands away.

  “No, I’m not done yet,” I told him.

  “Lydia,” he began to protest, and then glared at Dax.

  “Let her finish,” Lena said, with a satisfied smile.

  I looked over at Dax, but he was only staring back at Jordan. I glanced from one to the other, and then approached Dax, my hands up, ready.

  “I swear if you let me win, I’ll kick you in the balls so hard you’ll need to be inserted to make them right again.”

  His jaw fell open, and his eyebrows tried to reach his hairline. He then looked across at Jordan once more. I did as well, but only a quick glance, and I found Jordan was staring back at me with a similar, open-mouthed expression. And while Dax was distracted, I attacked him with everything I had. But he too easily overtook me, trapping me, once more evoking the memory.

  “Jordan, no,” I heard Lena protest, as Dax’s weight was flung away from me.

  “Again,” I huffed at them.

  After so many more defeats that I’d lost count, as well as my breath, Dax gently murmured while holding me down, “You can’t beat me.”

  “I don’t expect to,” I said back to him, as the memory again receded. Seeing it, feeling it, controlling it, was getting easier. “I just need the practice.”

  He released me, and moved to help me up for more, but I brushed his hands away.

  “Ok, I’m done,” I conceded to Jordan’s pleading stare. He tried to conceal his relief, but failed, as his sigh gave him away.