The Last City Read online

  “Yes,” he said with a sigh. The first sign of emotion from him since he’d arrived home. “I knew them. Some of them. They’ve been waiting, all of these years, for another chance to take the city.”

  “So, they have technology similar to the Central Unit,” I said, not really questioning. For all of these years meant hundreds of years, since they’d last attacked Threa.

  “In some ways, they are more advanced. They’ve spent the time developing what they can do, whereas we’ve done little more than survive. But from what Mason could sense, it’s still the Central Unit and the Spire that they’re after.”

  “But can they sense you? Hear you?”

  “Mason and Aleric are both quite sure they can’t,” he exhaled, as he let slip a little more feeling. I was relieved at this. In the very least, it was reassuring to know that he could still feel something.

  “And what of them do you remember?”

  “I’m not entirely sure. The memories that had started coming back, didn’t feel right. Didn’t feel like me. But I accepted them as mine.”

  “How would you know if they weren’t?”

  “Mason can bring back every memory, every essence of who I once was, all at once. But in doing so it would unravel the Central Unit’s attempt to individually protect us. It would restore the memories of everyone in the city, all at the same time, and he won’t do that. Not now at least, while we’re under attack. He said it would be too terrifying for some of them. And so instead, I told him the few details that I could remember and he confirmed them. They were mine. And he helped fill in some of the blanks through the memories of others in the Spire.”

  I waited for him to continue, hoping he would confide in me, what he knew. But he didn’t. And that feeling that I wasn’t worthy pushed its destructive sentiments around my heart.

  Question upon question sprang up in my mind, but I kept them all inside. I could already sense that there were no answers that he would give, at least not to me. But I needed something from him. I had to know why he couldn’t, or wouldn’t tell me.

  And it was then that a recent memory of my own came to mind. Of the two of us, sitting around Mason’s table, and of Jordan stunned into silence at the image that lie on the memory table before him.

  I quietly sighed, deep inside. His reason for shutting me out couldn’t be that absurd, that ordinary, and I almost didn’t ask, but I needed something from him.

  “Did you see her?”

  “Who?” he asked.

  He tried to maintain an even tone, but I could tell he was agitated, most likely with my question.

  “The woman you were with before me. The one that left you to travel the realm. But she didn’t leave voluntarily, did she?”

  He was silent for several moments before speaking.

  “How did you know?”

  “I’m a girl, I’m not stupid.”

  More silence… until I wanted to scream, but it was worse not being able to sense him. This was not the direction this absurd conversation was supposed to take.

  “Yes.”

  “And?”

  “And nothing.”

  “Look Jordan, we may be soulmates, but we are still human. You have feelings. But, so do I.”

  “What? No. What are you talking about?”

  “You want to see her again?”

  No response, but he started to shake, as though it was taking enormous effort to keep it all inside.

  “You miss her?”

  “I want her remaining days spent in torment and pain,” he almost spat the words.

  “Why? If she hadn’t left, we wouldn’t have connected.”

  “Lydia,” he began, and stared at me as though my words made no sense to him, and he ended in a fist-clenching, chest-rattling sigh, as though he was attempting to calm himself down.

  “You shouldn’t be upset about her leaving, you should be thanking her.”

  He groaned and rolled his eyes at the notion. “It’s not that simple.”

  “Actually, it is.”

  “No, it’s not. There’s a whole portion of my life, a most important part of me… missing because of her…” but he couldn’t finish.

  I couldn’t continue to question him. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted his answers. I had never even come close to dealing with anything like this. I would rather fight the ward, than sort through the feelings that swarmed through me, that stung with every thought, at every turn. There was no way that I could rationalize away, what he was going through, into making me feel ok about his silence this time. She was the enemy. And he needed to see her, even if only to deal with the past once and for all, and I had no choice but to be ok about it.

  I reminded myself to breathe, and forced myself to look away from him. But my chest constricted as though there was no air in the room, at least not for me.

  From the first moment weeks ago, when I’d first sensed his need to withhold himself, his thoughts and his feelings from me, I was sure he would eventually let me in, and explain all that was going through him. I’d never felt a need to push him into telling me what he was thinking or feeling. And each of those times that I’d felt his detachment from us, I remained confident in all we had. I knew him, loved him, trusted his silences, and waited for his eventual return to us, to include me in all that went through him.

  But instead, all it had led to was more silence, more separation, and now he was as disconnected from me as two people could be.

  I had to leave. I didn’t want to leave him alone, but I couldn’t stay another moment. If he couldn’t find it within himself to share with me what he was going through, even just a little, then I couldn’t stay, at least not while I was feeling as though I wasn’t a part of him and his world. That sense of unworthiness was rearing its head and readying to swallow me whole.

  “I’ll be at the treehouse,” I whispered to him. “When you’ve made up your mind about where things lie, when you’re ready to include me in your life again, come for me.”

  “Made up my mind about what?” he asked, his face screwed up in confusion, and his hands spread wide, questioning.

  I couldn’t respond. I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth.

  “Lydia, there is nothing to make up my mind about. At least not about you. You are my life,” he pleaded.

  “Then tell me what I’m supposed to do. Tell me what is going on. Because all I know is… you are not with me.” I placed my hand over his heart. I could feel it beating inside, but there was no connection. From the moment we met, I could always feel him, every time we were near. Not even the eternal distance of separate dimensions could stop that union between us. But here and now, for whatever reason, he had severed that tie.

  “Lydia…” he began.

  He pulled me to him, but his warmth remained locked inside, his mind closed. If I hadn’t been so close to him, seeing him, touching him, I wouldn’t even know he was with me.

  “I don’t even know how to put this into words…” but his voice failed him again.

  “What?”

  I heard his swift intake of breath and I could feel his face against my neck, his jaw working, trying to find what he needed to say, but failing.

  “Please tell me,” I whispered. “Whatever it is, it’s ok.”

  “Not this,” he groaned through the words. “I can’t. Not yet. I just need you to trust me.”

  “Jordan, I do trust you, but you’re shutting me out.”

  He pulled me tighter against his chest, but his presence remained locked within him. I wrapped myself around him, body and soul, pleading with him, but I couldn’t reach him.

  I couldn’t handle any more of his silence. It would have been better if he’d stayed in the city. And when he didn’t respond I pulled away from him.

  “Like I said,” I whispered. “I’ll be in the treehouse until you decide to include me in your life again.”

  “Lydia, don’t leave me.”


  “Jordan, I don’t know how to do this. Be in your life, but not be a part of it.” I placed my hands on either side of his face, but I wasn’t sure who I was trying to console, me or him. “I’m not leaving. I’m waiting. For you to come back to me.”

  I closed off every feeling, every thought, as much as I could. I didn’t know what to do with this. I needed to leave before my heart exploded into little pieces. And I didn’t want to fall apart in front of him.

  I kissed him briefly on the lips, held him tight for one last moment of us, before slowly rising from the couch.

  And I walked away.

  And he let me. Again.

  The entire way to the treehouse, I kept a solid mask upon my face, determined to let nothing out, to let no one sense me. And once inside, I brought up the shield around the house to its strongest level, darkening every room, cutting off all contact with the outside world.

  And I let the emotion seep through every pore.

  17

  Visitors

  I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before I made it out of bed. I wasn’t keeping track. I’d kept the house dark the entire time; the sunlight was neither needed nor wanted. My old friend the void had tried to return, but I refused to let it in. This was one pain that I’d decided, would not run me into nothingness. I was determined to see it through. No matter the outcome.

  The only reason I dragged myself out of bed was because the daylight was filtering through my eyelids, which could only mean one thing. I had a visitor. And the fact that he was not beside me was not a good sign.

  I slowly made my way to the other room, expecting bad news, but was instead, surprised to see Lena seated on my couch.

  “The view from your hilltop in Tira-Mi is much prettier. I don’t know what you see in this landscape.”

  I glanced out of the front entrance, trying to determine what could have disappointed her. But all I saw was Jordan’s sun sinking into the horizon. His colors streaked across the sky and straight through to my heart. I missed him, and wanted only to reach out to him.

  “How did you get in?”

  She laughed at my question, “Like you could keep me out.”

  “Why are you here?”

  “You disappeared off everyone’s radar. I searched everywhere for you, although I should have known where to find you. Why are you here? And why did you shut us out?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. At the time, I needed to be alone. And I didn’t want everyone in my head while I was trying to find the right emotions to understand and deal with, whatever it was Jordan was going through.

  She stared at me for several moments and I knew she was reading me, but I didn’t care. It saved me the trouble of explaining something that I couldn’t explain to myself.

  “I have a present for you,” she said, and handed me a blue container that had sat on the floor at her feet. It was heavy, and as I placed it upon the table, I could hear liquid sloshing around inside.

  “What is it?”

  “Present from Aleric and Castor. What we’ve been giving you isn’t exactly what you would call alcohol.”

  “Then what have you been giving me? All of you, Heart and Rathe, drink it constantly, like you’re a bunch of drunks.”

  She laughed at this.

  “Well, maybe one day you’ll understand. But when you can hear everyone’s every thought, there’s a lot of noise happening up there,” she said, pointing to her head. “It takes a lot of effort to block it all out. But the Rathe, they not only hear you, they feel your every emotion as well. This,” she held up her flask and gently shook it. “Dulls those particular senses. Enough for us to relax and feel human again. We aren’t drunk when we drink this, we’re just… normal. But for you, it worked a little too well on a few too many senses, and you seemed to enjoy its effects so we continued to give it to you.” The grin she gave me was not the least bit innocent of harmless fun.

  “And besides, why do you think Mason built this place so far away from everyone?” She tried to maintain her grin, but annoyance got the better of her, and she didn’t wait for my answer. “Because we’d practically begged him to. It was Aleric and Mya that came up with the idea to shield a whole house for you, so you could live amongst us at Tira-Mi. They tested it first on Hammond and Rebecca. And only you and Jordan can hear each other through the shield. But for the rest of us, it is peace.”

  “And so, what is this?” I asked, indicating the container, but also not wanting to discuss my apparently much talked about living arrangements.

  “Now, that is what you would have been used to, back on Earth. Mason asked me to be his test subject, and give it a try.”

  “Ok, but we may want to pay a quick visit to Grid,” I began, but before I could finish, she lay two blue tubes upon the table beside the container.

  “He already told me what to expect.”

  “I’ll… get us some cups,” I said.

  And when she poured the liquid, I inhaled the heady, sweet scent of red wine. Thank you, Aleric and Castor! I could have kissed them.

  “Rebecca wanted me to give you a message.”

  “She and Hammond are ok, I hope,” my words were mumbled; I was lost in the taste of the wine. And the first cup went down a little faster than normal.

  “They are,” she said, keeping pace with me.

  “What is her message?”

  “She wanted me to say,” she began, and then delivered the message while imitating Rebecca’s breezy voice. “It is an ever-fixed mark… whatever that means.”

  I couldn’t help but smile at her words. Of course, Rebecca would find a way to quote that to me. But she really didn’t need to. I knew it to be fact. No matter what happens, no matter how Jordan handles his issues, my love for him will never be shaken.

  “Please don’t do that again,” I pleaded.

  “What?”

  “Imitate Rebecca. And I’m surprised she didn’t make you memorize the whole thing.”

  “What whole thing?”

  “The Sonnet… Shakespeare.”

  “What?” she asked, screwing up her face as though she’d tasted something bitter.

  I could only look at her wondering why, at any point in the past three hundred years, Rebecca had not recited his works to her, she knew most of them by heart.

  “When you go back to Tira-Mi have her read it to you.”

  “Why?” she asked. “Can’t I read it myself?”

  “You could, but it would sound better coming from her,” I couldn’t help smirking at her.

  And she eyed me as though she was missing the point. “What is Shakespeare, anyway?”

  “Ah,” I smiled at the memories that ached to surface. The poetry, the plays, the prose. And of a life lived so long ago it seemed, that it was hard to believe that it was actually mine. But to answer her question, I struggled to find the right words to describe him, to make Lena understand. And I couldn’t say where the words came from, but I settled upon, “If war was made of words, he would best your better men.”

  However, as I spoke, my words brought me back to the present, and a question surfaced. One I’d tried not to think about, and didn’t want to bring up, not with her anyway. But perhaps, it was necessary.

  As she stared at me though, I could tell she already knew what I was about to say, and knew I lacked the courage to say it.

  “Out with it,” she said.

  “What are your intentions here? On Threa? Would you really destroy what is left of this world?”

  Before responding she narrowed her gaze at me, the same way Mason did when I knew he was invading my thoughts.

  “He was wrong to tell you that.”

  “Why? I live here now. Don’t you think I have a right to know what you’re going to do?”

  “Who says I’m going to do anything? I’ve been stuck here for hundreds of years…”

  “I wouldn’t say stuck…” I interrupted.


  “Stuck here,” she repeated. “For hundreds of years, in an effort to protect what we have. We already survived one invasion, and we’ve been tolerant of the Guardian thus far. But if that damned A.I. even begins to understand what we can do…” she shook her head, as though trying to make the rest of the sentence disappear. “Mason assured us that he could both save his planet and protect ours.”

  “And if he can’t?”

  “My Heart is my priority,” she said.

  “Does Dax know what you’re planning?”

  “Of course, he does,” she said, and grinned at me. “He’s not really level six, you know.” She then sat bolt upright, gasping at her own admission.

  “Power of the wine,” I whispered to her, and smirked back at her. In a very short time, we had already managed to relieve the container of almost half of its contents. My attention however, narrowed in on her revelation. And before I jumped to conclusions, I had to be sure I had indeed heard right. “What do you mean? About Dax.”

  She sank back into the couch and swirled the purple-red contents of her cup, shaking her head as she did. I wanted to laugh, and wondered if she’d ever before consumed my kind of alcohol.

  “He started training on his own,” she finally said. “In the city, not long after he made contact with me.”

  I had to look away from her, as I internally debated over whether I wanted to know what level he really was. And I couldn’t decide if my knowing would benefit him or me, more.

  “That right there,” she said, pointing a finger at my forehead.

  “What?”

  “Indecision. Unsure if you want to know something, and then when you find out, you wish you didn’t. That right there is the reason why Haize decided, before you even came here, not to tell you everything. You don’t know how to make a decision and stick to it. So, she decided for you.”

  Considering how many cups of wine I’d had, I really didn’t care what Haize had decided for me. But it was something to think about… another time maybe. For in that moment, there were other things that I should have been asking. Thoughts that sent a sobering shiver down my spine.

  “Have all of the wards been recalled?”